A-levels result is coming out tomorrow. It will be an emotional day, there will be people walking with pride, shedding tears of joy, celebrating! Of course, there will also be people weeping, mourning, regretting.
I honestly do not know what to expect. Of course, I'm hoping for the best, but at the same time, I'm prepared for the worst. I've hidden my emotions deep within my heart, I do not show a sense of fear, panic, nervous, nothing. And I skip the topic whenever it's brought to the table. But today, I'm holding back no more, it's time to face my emotions, be true to myself. This is actually because I had a long conversation with my dad, the last person you want to reveal your results to.
Through that conversation, my dad has inspired me in every way. He has turned the day that I've expected it to be gloomy, into a day with full of hopes and opportunities. Because I'm so inspired, I just hope that it will inspire you too.
So I reached home from Yamcha session. My dad was sitting in the living room watching Badminton match. I sat down with my laptop, and started talking to him about news and politics. Somehow it led to studies, where to study, what to study. For the past months, I've been escaping from that question, until that very moment, I was still trying to escape. But I know, I just couldn't escape anymore.
Dad: "So are you going to know your result by tomorrow?"
Me: "I'm not too sure about that."
(I couldn't say yes cause I lost my password to access into the site where I can check my result.)
Dad: "How will your result look like?"
Me: "Honestly dad, I don't know what to expect."
Dad: "But you know roughly how well you did, isn't it?"
Me: "Honestly dad, I really don't know. But I'm prepared for the worst."
Dad: "You mean you don't have any idea? At all?"
Me: "You see, I thought I did quite well in the last exam, I thought I could get better than what I got, but it's just the opposite of what I thought."
Then dad lectured me about how bad it is for me to lose focus on studies, my social life being a lil too active and it's unnecessarily, how my studying method is not paying off. He lectured me on the things that I would never want him to find out. But oh well, parents know you too well, most of the time they just keep quiet about it, it's times like now that they will bring up what they have always wanted to say.
I had to, and willingly admit all the faults that I've done, the time that I've wasted. If I could turn back time, I would definitely do my best! Yeah how many times have I said that? Once? Twice? Oh yeah of course, it's after Every Single Time I sit for an exam! All the major exams, UPSR, PMR, SPM, and now, A-levels. I bet I'm not the only one huh? ;)
After spilling out with my dad, telling him how disappointed I am with myself, how much I regret for screwing up my papers again and again, how devastated I am inside...
Dad said...
"You know, the most important thing you need to know is, accepting whatever your result turns out to be. You may or may not have done the best you can, but you can't escape from the result. Once you get your result, you let me know. Then we can start planning. If you want to resit, go ahead, you will only be a year late, but it's okay you're still young. If you want to take foundation, after you know your result we can plan where you want to go. Or if you can go straight into uni, we can start searching and applying already. Whatever it is, I want you to know that it's okay, I won't scold you or what, I've looked through all that, but you yourself must accept your result, accept yourself."
The most amazing thing about this is that he's telling me, indirectly, that I'm not in this alone. Whether my result is good or not, whether I'm gonna burst into tears of joy or sorrow, we will go through this together. All parents are about the same, if that is what my dad thinks, I'm sure your parents think the same.
That was about the result. Then, it was about further education...
Dad said...
"It's not about which high end uni you're going into, not necessarily about going to the best school, it's about entering a school that will give you a chance to shine. The whole point is how well you can put everything you learn into practice. When you graduate from uni and look for a job, they might look at your qualifications through where you study, but besides where you study, they will also look at what you have achieved, you are graduated with. Getting the job is one thing, what really leads you to a great career is how you do your job. You must breakthrough, think out of the box, excel in your job by applying what you have learned in school and in life. When you become someone successful, who gives a damn to where you study anymore? Right?"
So that's what my dad said to me. Although it was only a brief idea about how to go through this stage of life, but it's so comforting and strong enough to keep me standing on my feet, confident in facing whatever's gonna hit my face, I feel ready for the future.
If you're afraid of what your parents would say, don't be. They might hurt you with words, but do remember that their intentions are as simple as loving you too much. They love you so much that they want you to see you living a good life. Upon reaching that, you must straighten your path. Education is the path. Parents are just like plain water, no matter how much you try to resist them, somehow you just can't, cause you need them to keep you going. Sometimes you just feel like drinking something else like soda or alcohol, but at the end of the day, that plain water is still the healthiest, the best, and sometimes the only thing that you'll ever want. Plain water is essential. So are parents. That might a shitty parable, but you know what I mean =)
If you're afraid of what others would say, don't be. There's a saying that we're all very familiar with, "Feel free being who you are because those who matters doesn't judge, those who judge doesn't matter." Everyone has their own way to shine, concentrate on finding yours, don't look at others, because it won't help a bit, it's only a distraction leading you away from your dream. Don't be afraid of what haters say, because one day they will wash your car. Hahaha I'm just kidding. My point is, FOCUS! Focus on where you want to be! And be yourself, because that's the easiest and the best way you can excel!
If you have the same worries as me, don't lose hope! Because others will not put their hopes in you if you don't have faith in yourself.
If you have a friend with the same worries as me, do encourage them. A hug or a pat on the shoulder will make all the difference.
Then again, we should turn to the Author of our lives both in times of joy or distress. God knows what we have been through, God knows what we will go through. No one knows you better than He does.
1 Peter 5: 7
Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust in the LORD with al your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
I hope this will give you hope in life. I surely did learn from it.
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